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:iconmaidenofwar: More from maidenofwar


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Submitted on
January 14, 2009
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Remember back when we would
Skip math class to go and
Have a cigarette behind the school?

[Things sure changed fast]

the stale smell always stuck to my clothes
I tried washing it off, and yet it still clung to me

I tried washing you off, and yet you still held on too tight
Somehow, I knew your image in my mind would never feel quite right


Sometimes I like to imagine
That we never really met

[And it makes things better for a little while]

I’d spray myself with perfume
The cheap kind you’d find lying around at the back of your wardrobe

And for the shortest length of time, I’d bathe myself in the comfort and scent of faux lavender
Before the smell faded, and I would be forced to bitterly begin to remember


I’d remember back when we used to be pretty, and
When nothing except us mattered

[It’s so hard pretending
That I don’t miss everything about you]

Back in the autumn
When the trees shone in their gold

Then the winter came, and you lost your beauty, shed your bare façade,
And when spring came, I knew the petals could fake it all, even if it was hard


   “I love you”

These words lost their meaning a long time ago
Remember how we used to shine? But dulled in transfer from friend to foe?
But they still repeat in my head every time you cross my mind
That adoration still echoes to taunt me with what it could have been like.
collab with the epic ~the-chemical-factory

can also be found here: [link]


please comment ^ ^'
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:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student Writer
I absolutely love this poem. The emotion of this piece works spectacularly due to crisp wording and concise situation the piece centers around. To critique this I'm going to have to get really nitpicky.

That being said, there are two lines in the poem that seem a bit clunky and tripped me up with I was reading, which is really the only problem I had in its entirety.

"I tried washing it off, and yet it still clung to me
I tried washing you off, and yet you still held on too tight"

The only reason I feel this way is the use of "and yet." Although in the second line the alliteration is nice, I feel like the piece in whole would benefit from rewording or omission. Personally, I would omit "and yet" and just use choppy statements to punch the "It still clung to me" and "You still held on too tight." You could keep the commas and just omit and yet as well.

Wonderful poem you've got here.
Reply
:iconjessica35:
jessica35 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
This broke my heart.
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Wow. This makes me think of my own lost best friend, and Autumns past. It's beautiful. :heart:
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:iconkillerfeeling:
killerfeeling Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2009
it makes me cry.T^T
Reply
:iconmaidenofwar:
maidenofwar Featured By Owner May 25, 2009
aw, don't cry!!! :hug::hug::hug:
i am glad you liek it though ;p
Reply
:iconsuna-rose351:
suna-rose351 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I really love this one...
It really makes sense...
Great work...
:D
Reply
:iconmaidenofwar:
maidenofwar Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2009
thank you ^ ^' :glomp:
Reply
:iconsuna-rose351:
suna-rose351 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
:iconhyperglompplz:
Reply
:icongrayscalexbassgdmcr:
GrayscalexBassGDMCR Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2009  Student Writer
Did they do the italics or every other verse or something?
Reply
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