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Friday Night Features by dreamsinstatic

-words and anima- by 8Happiness

Poetry by Sandstar12


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Submitted on
September 8, 2011
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Heart beating, words softly spoken
As breath
As snow-flakes,
lost-tastes
shiver and drop to the ground
As my whispers resound
Echoing over a clichéd fortress of solitude,
Of my own interlude
Mirrors and glaciers, to shade me from your warmth
Your touch
Your forsaken light, your waytoomuch

Of degrees and brightness I'm unaccustomed to
Of elegance and coldness I'm grown fond of, for you
And Your opposite, your pre-requisite
Of new life where my own dies
Of locked doors where my own surroundings lie
White?
Not at all. Simply lacking the colour-tainted
Humanity feinted-
Honesty, That yours so sorely lacks
For give me an overcast silence and I'll show you where my true personality stands
For I govern over your loudness by…
H u s h .
Did you catch that sound?
That echoing fall as your own hit the ground.
I am cold, I am indifference, I am all you hold against your very own fate
I am the one who you'll no longer see as you go against me to stand your day.

Oh hush, little angel
Snow flecked droplets over your face, your apathy
Your obvious lack of sympathy
I'll crack your iron, bitter, frozen gates
And break your iced glass to shards as I enter your domain
I aim to melt your smile, your detached air
With a touch of my hand in your yours
A kiss upon your unfeeling lips;
A movement of your hair
For while you dance in sorrow, I bathe in light
And nothing is more attractive to your kind, than to promise you a world, so
Much
More
Bright
For where your tears fall, and turn to solid upon your cheeks
I'll be there to wipe them away with my own heat
My own fervour, My own passion and delicate intentions and words spun around you enough to have you
Break
In a delicate way
Enough to shed your skin, enough to hand me
Everything you hold within
Your castle, your darkness, your shadows and absent minded lightness

Or else, would we meet?
Could you see a way to pursue such a feat?
Meet me halfway, once or twice, a step at a time
For when you advance

My own heart feels lighter;
And for when I move forward
My fingers grow colder

Meet me halfway, once and twice, again, and again
Place us together
For a dance of will, and long lost temptations as we see who will win

For where you stand as lightness, And I for the dark
Comes the richest combination of love and hate;
Of   romance   intended   to   leave   it's   mark.
Demeter's daughter, Persiphone, was taken by Hades, and after tricking her into eating eating the food of the dead, Zeus decreed that she would have to spend six months with Hades, and six months back with her mother.
Demeter grew depressed during those six months, and this resulted in the winter season.

Demeter herself is the goddess of harvest, also presiding over the sanctity of marriage, sacred law, and the cycles of life and death.


--

I did this for #TheDeviantARTGallery's Summer and Winter war's contest. I think the temptation, even with personification, was to portray Summer as this hawt, sultry women of sorts, and Winter as this glacial, cold bachelor, as was the idea of romance. I thought I'd turn it up a bit by swapping the genders (although, I'm hoping that in this poem, the reader could feel the characters were gender-neutral, and I'll explain why) and not having it all so... clean.

I think in any relationship, anyone can identify with either the plain text or the italics, the either wanting to shield yourself away with indifference, or the trying to crack open the hard shell of the other person. I think that that, dynamic is what stands as most couple's strength, how their opposition works to keep them together through thick and thin. I also believe that in any couple, one person has to give sometimes, to leave place for the other person. It's a tough balance, but one those age old relationships knew how to maintain.
In the idea that couples oppose each other, I think summer and winter are as contrasting, but also as complimenting as you get. And as for giving in whilst the other advances, the summer and winter solstices stand as a perfect example of this.

For anyone reading this, I'd like to think, as opposed to it simply being a contest entry with a theme, that you read it as a poem on relationships, on love and hate, on compliment and matching puzzle pieces, and that I simply used seasons as a metaphor to convey this.


Comments, are as ever, very much appreciated :heart:

featured here: Friday Night Features
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:iconsandstar12:
This is honestly a wonderful piece of literature, and it captivated me all the way through. You have a very good grasp of rhythm and flow, which really helps your piece as you keep the momentum throughout and hold the interest of the reader. As this is the case, I'll likely be more nitpicky with this critique than I would otherwise be, and you can take what you will from it. (:

I like the almost rhyme between words such as 'snow-flakes, /lost-tastes' and 'solitude' with 'interlude'. I'm not sure that some of your words necessarily need to be hyphenated. 'snowflakes' is all one word, and 'lost tastes' could stand as two separate words, althought I do quite like the visual appeal of them being made into a compound word.

'waytoomuch' pushed together as one one is lovely.

I think you could take another look at the way you've used capitalisation in this piece, as there seems to be no real method to it; whether you use capital letters to start a line or not, and there are some odd ones thrown in the middle of lines such as 'Your' in the third line of stanza two. This can throw the reader off a little - and did for me - as I naturally looked for the reason why it was like that. Also, using capitals at the beginning of a line, where others don't have it almost helps the reader to know when to pause for breath. Most of your lines are capitalised, so the first stanza seems to be an exception. Is there any particular reason for this?

In the second stanza, the line beginning 'For give me an overcast silence... is a little awkward towards the end. I think the part about personality could be worded a little differently to make it more concise.

I love the two personas and the way you've switched the role almost, and the use of italics clearly showed where the speaker changed. Despite this, the tone of the piece changed as well, enough to really solidify that second voice, which was really nice. I especially love the last line and the way you mixed the two voices, not only in the words but also in the font type.

This is a lovely piece of literature. <3
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:icon8happiness:
8Happiness Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2011
Bravo. :clap:
Reply
:iconmaidenofwar:
maidenofwar Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2011
thank you :)
Reply
:iconchinuyasha500:
chinuyasha500 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Love, just pure love <3
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:iconmaidenofwar:
maidenofwar Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2011
thank you so much, for the fave also :)

it turns out the contest i entered this piece for is more based on popularity than anything else.
however, i really wish i could atleast get even just third place because i need the points for my group; if you do think mine is the best, please please vote here [link] :heart:
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2011
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features
Reply
:iconneuroticmnemonic:
neuroticmnemonic Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011   Writer
This is fantastic. Amazing. Your ability to paint with words leaves me in awe. :faint: <--SEE!? I FAINTED!! That's how awesome this is!!
Reply
:iconmaidenofwar:
maidenofwar Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2011
thank you so much <3

it turns out the contest is more based on popularity than content...
however, i really wish i could atleast get even just third place because i need the points for my group; if you do think mine is the best, please please vote here [link] :heart:
Reply
:iconneuroticmnemonic:
neuroticmnemonic Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011   Writer
*runs off to vote for "Demeter"*

:)
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:iconladyscipio:
LadyScipio Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I love it!! :D Wonderful contrast.
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:iconmaidenofwar:
maidenofwar Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2011
thank you so much :hug:

it turns out the contest is more based on popularity =_=
however, i really wish i could atleast get even just third place because i need the points for my group; if you do think mine is the best, please please vote here [link] :heart:
Reply
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